My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
