I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
