I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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