Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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