Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
