I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
