Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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