it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
