i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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