It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
