I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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