He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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