well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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