You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
