Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
