i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
