Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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