meet me or not, i'm out of control
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
