I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i wish my penis had a tongue
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
