go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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