Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
