i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
