every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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