Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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