So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
