Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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