His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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