Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
did i just pee glitter
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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