He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
