Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
