...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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