I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
