Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
