i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
