I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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