OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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