I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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