I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
