Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize