it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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