Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
should my penis look like a turkey
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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