Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
