OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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