some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
