she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
