God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
