Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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