im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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