i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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