You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
