It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
