Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
