I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
