so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
