I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
not ubering you a puppy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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