I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize