two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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