ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
