umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
