Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
