he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
