last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
