At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
