found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
