Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
