Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
