remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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