sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
