he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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