Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
