$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
