I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
