My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
