No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
